two roads diverged

the dust + negative splits

Posted on March 12, 2010. Filed under: Boston!, Marathon inspiration, marathon training, motivation |

i have a big goal.

in my mind, this goal sits behind a clear pane of glass: clearly defined and bright as day – my goal shines at me through this glass.

throughout my week, every week, i start to gradually lose sight of my goal. it’s not entirely my fault. i think it’s just how life works. thoughts cloud over the glass, words and tweets pollute my vision and ideas and doubts settle – like dust – on my glass. this post isn’t meant to be overly prosaic – but the metaphor is powerful for me.

i recently started running without music. it took my coach a year to convince me to let go of this security blanket and i’m finally doing it. you know what else i’m doing? i’m hitting negative splits. i’m focusing on my breath. rhythm. cadence. trusting myself. paying attention. i’m thinking.

here’s what i think about.

when i go on my weekend long runs – i imagine that every exhalation is the wind that is needed to blow this dust off the glass. with every step, the glass starts to clear. i can start to see my goal again. i go through phases of emotion on my long runs because i inspect the dust. i see every thought, every comment, every tweet, one at a time – and i blow them away. i revisit every conversation about my goal and i accept responsibility for my feelings about them. i literally let everything go. i do this exercise before the halfway point of my run (i always run out and back) and that, my friends, is how i hit negative splits.

for those of you who don’t know me, or haven’t had the pleasure of hearing me obsess about this: my goal is to qualify for the Boston marathon. interesting tidbit #2: i don’t have any friends who are marathon finishers. not one. so my twitter running community matters to me. alot.

there are people on twitter who have reached out to me and said: “you can do this”, “go for it, as long as you enjoy the journey, you can’t go wrong”, “i will help get you there”, “i’ve seen your times, i know you can do this”, “just do it!!”, “i have a friend who took that much time off his PR, you can do it too” or my personal favorite from “3:45? no problem!!”.

these thoughts, these tweets, these messages – you know what they are?? they’re the freakin WINDEX on my glass. i SAVE them up and i think about them through the last half of my run. i wash that glass with the motivation, the positivity, the living proof of achievement and commitment. i revisit tweets from people hitting PR’s with pride, goal setting, doing it.

i’m not trying to feed you a shot of Tony Robbins with a Deepak chaser here…i’m just telling you that there is power in the control that i exercise over my own mind. there is greatness in guarding my mind, like a sentinel, from negativity. there is elation in turning away every naysayer and doubter and believing in myself.

the last half of my run is the hardest (negative splits) but in a way, it’s where all the glory is. the glory is in just seeing the goal again – knowing that it’s still there – proving to myself, week after week – that it still matters to me as much as the day i set the goal.

“more important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity” francois gauthier.

and that, my friends, is how i hit negative splits.

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