two roads diverged

dear Graham: thanks for a great run

Posted on April 18, 2010. Filed under: long runs, Marathon inspiration, marathon training, motivation, Running Injury |

i am blessed to live in a very beautiful part of the world. British Columbia is pretty breathtaking from any angle, but from mine, it’s even more pronounced. i live 1 hr from glacier mountains, and our home is exactly 1 mile from an extensive dyke system that flanks a peaceful river. being a creature of habit – i run them every weekend. these dykes belong to me. i have beat a goat trail down into my path. they are mine.

along the dykes – there are benches. most have been purchased in someone’s memory and they all face the river. if you’re facing the river – you’re also facing the mountains. the view is really unbelievable. the river is dotted with fisherman – mostly fly, and it is one of the most peaceful places i’ve ever seen.

switch gears.

i ran today.

at 3 miles… i stopped. without plan or intention – i just stopped. i’m sort of injured (this post is not about my injury so we’ll just skip past that part) and the injury was bucking at me. frustrated and a little crestfallen – i looked around, glanced to my left at the bench that i’ve run past every sunday for over a year. i had never stopped long enough to read the message on that bench or any other…the bench in front of me read:

“In loving memory of Graham Osygus. 1975-2000. Gone fishing…meet you there”

i looked around. beyond confused. what? graham? graham osygus? when was this? wait – it says right there dre: 2000. same birth year as me. yes, this is…wow.

i knew graham. grew up with him. graduated high school with him. saw him at that moment in my mind’s eye. looked around – not sure what i was looking for but was so confused. did i know that he died? i don’t think i did. where was i in 2000? i was in toronto…nobody told me. pre-facebook, dawn of email (for me, university grad with no computer at home). i just…i don’t know.

so at that moment – i did something i’ve never done before. i turned off my garmin and i stopped running. i sat down on graham’s bench. took off my belt. pulled out the headphones and sat myself down.

i’d never noticed that there was a tiny fishing hole right there. graham’s bench looks right at it. massive poplars sway above. bald eagles nest in them. ducks are happy. there are sometimes otters in the river – not today – but i’ve seen them before. the wind was easy today – the sun strong but tucked behind big fluffy clouds.

i thought about graham. i thought about his parents, losing him when he was 25. i imagined them buying him that bench. i thought about my own parents, how much they love me – how much i love my own son…then the tears started to come. i thought about what graham’s parents must have wanted in buying that bench for him. if i had to guess – i’d say they would have wanted me to stop and think about their son. think about my own life and family. take a moment to be grateful for the body that carried me in good health to that place. grateful for the sound mind and spirit that gave me perspective enough to interrupt what i was doing in honor of their son.

when i taught yoga – i ended every class by saying “remember that you can always come back to this place”. i was talking about that place inside you – the place you find on a long run if you look closely – or the one you find in savasana – it’s the one you can’t see most of the time. i saw that place today.

i took a few more minutes to think about my running. my current injury and my own childish disappointment in a few flippin seconds per mile. i thought about how healthy and awesome my life is – how i can run marathons and climb moutains and learn to swim and climb the monkey bars with my son.  i thought about this beautiful running route in front of me and this wonderful bench that graham’s folks bought for us to enjoy. i thought about who i am – and i was really honest with myself.

if i have ever been close to discovering why i run – it was at that moment.

i thought about my goals and vowed to embrace the perspective that was developing before my very eyes.

i picked myself up. kissed his plaque. looked ahead. at my halfway mark i saw some fly fishermen and thought about graham again. i smiled. an eagle soared above. my injury screamed at me but i pressed on.

on the way back, i passed graham’s bench again – i said out loud “sorry buddy, makin good time, i’ll catch you next time”.

thanks for a great run today Graham. peace be with you.

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